A-woo-hoo, tis an exciting day in the Heart household. Twin cuties Castiel and Gabriel have just aged into children, and to celebrate the whole family have gathered in the backyard to light a random 'firework' I found somewhere in the Buy catalogue.
I say 'firework' because, well, you'll see...
How. Shit.
It's just a big puff ennit, not firey at all. Hmph.
Ho well, at least Devon seems to like it. I think he's happy anytime yanno, as long as he gets to wear his shiny leather panties, and it's just occurred to me how wrong it is to be dressed like that at your children's birthday party...
I never said Paiden and Devon were the most appropriate parents though. Even a nice family fire pit shindig is
subject to ruin when Mr and Mrs Kinky Knickers are around.
Eventually I had to send Paiden and Devon to the hot tub to, well, not cool down but warm up alone away from the kiddies.
Devon Delacroix: Master of Subtlety.
We'll leave the winners of the Most Dysfunctional Parents of the Year award to themselves for a bit now as we focus on the Terror Twins: Castiel and Gabriel.
I loves them, I really does. I think they're pretty much completely identical yanno. They even wear the same wrong clothes together (they're Insane so they wear inappropriate clothes on occasion, but they always seem to match each other).
As identical twins they are each other's best friend, so they spend most of their free time playing together.
And I built a little play park on the house's grounds for them to enjoy.
But although they're bestest best buddies they do have other friends. Meet Mini-Mini Fury! She's my in-game granddaughter, and she really luffs Cas in particular. Bless.
I guess Castiel and Gabriel's childhood years passed pretty quickly, as apparently I don't have a whole lot of pictures of it.
When the time was right, the family gathered to celebrate the twins' birthdays.
Well, Paiden celebrated, Devon mocked.
Cas was the first to sparkle.
And then Gabriel.
TWIN POWERS: ACTIVATE!
Yep, it seems Cas and Gabriel are entirely the same looks-wise, excusing hair colour, but their personalities are quite different.
Gabriel is Insane, a Workaholic, Brave, and a Schmoozer.
Meanwhile, Castiel is Insane, Hot Headed, Perceptive, and a Computer Whiz.
Devon and Paiden rejoiced in their sons transformation briefly, and then went back to sexing each other up.
Ah, just what I wanted to see on a trip out- Lake Heart and his new wife Lindy playing on swings in the middle of the day in formalwear and trapping Ehren Heart and his step-mother Bertha in the middle. It certainly made me chuckle.
For those who wanted to see more of Ehren- there he is, he's apparently a pirate. After Paiden left Raoul he remarried not long after to someone just as ginger as he, and they went on to have kids and shiz. Story Progression keeps me up to date with what they're doing every so often, but generally I just let Paiden's old life be.
Now, that done let us return to the reason we're at the park in the first place, and that is so that Castiel and Gabriel can socialise. I guess I forgot to take a picture of it when they were little, but Gabriel's other BFF besides his brother is his cousin Aaron- who is Paloma's son.
As teens they made sure to hang out whenever they could, until Gabriel got distracted by something finer that is...
Girls, now you know- if you wanna capture a boy's attention, all you have to do is wander about in your bra for no apparent reason.
This girl is called Kate Tenderlove (*snicker*). Whilst I normally don't have any time for townies, Kate won me over with her lack of clothing and her enthusiasm in talking to Gabriel, despite the fact that her mother was dying in the background...
Yes yes, just flirt to your heart's content, ignore the Grim Reaper scything your mother away behind you...
Whilst Gabriel was busy wooing Kate, Castiel's plans of woo were put on halt by the fact that Mini-Mini Fury was still only a child.
Oh piss I haven't even told you her name yet have I? It's Ariane Skye, and I have no fucking idea how to pronounce it. I've been saying Ah-rey-ah-na in my head, which is almost certainly wrong.
Although she wasn't yet of age, Ariane seemed unwilling to let anything get in her way as she did some first-class stalking. Like Fury like Mini-Mini Fury.
*smirk*
After a jolly day out at the park the boys returned home, and immediately Cas began hacking. Now because Devon and Paiden are such unbelievable lazy bones there's always very little money coming into the house, so the only income at present is courtesy of Castiel and Gabriel's skills.
It's just as well, because the family need as much money as they can get, being as rock-bottom as they are following a recent extravagant purchase...
Pretentious, moi? Well, yes actually.
Matching awesome convertibles may seem a bit much, but the boys need it if they're to lead successful love lives. Am I really saying girls are so shallow that they'll only go for you if you have a smoking car? Of course not.
But oh ho explain this! You might say that Kate's unwilling to give it up because she's suddenly realised that her mom died and she's upset, but I think it's the lack of proximity to the swanky car that did it.
She was nice enough to let Gabriel cry into her bosom though as he sobbed over the upsetting rejection. Poor lamb.
Outside the house, Castiel was having a bit more luck with the fairer sex. Ariane had recently aged into a teen, and Cas didn't waste any time in inviting her over so he could make his move.
He asked Ariane to be his girlfriend and, despite the slightly dumbfounded look on her face here, she said yes.
And then there was some kissin'.
In between romantic pursuits the boys occasionally worked on their skills too, though this didn't take very much time at all.
I guess this is meant to happen what with them being vampire children and all? Cas and Gabriel got to work building up their athletic skill and they both mastered it in the space of maybe a couple Sim hours. Is that normal?
Their other skills didn't seem to rise as quickly as the athletic one, though Gabriel did manage to improve his painting skill really quickly as he dabbled in architectural design.
Meanwhile, Paiden and Devon were also skilling a bit as they, erm, played music in the near-nude, as always.
They seriously are the most off-hand parents I've ever seen. Paiden and Devon love their kids for sure, but they practise that aloof parenting style where they basically just leave their kids to do what they want. I could pretend that this is because they want their kids to have freedom and happiness, but it's really just because they want time to focus on their own interests.
Devon's main interest is in Paiden's capillaries, and Paiden is happy to oblige the little leech.
And of course vast amounts of time are dedicated to the art known as hot tubbing.
But holy game not glitching for once Batman! Very very occasionally Paiden and Devon's band Bleh! Bleh! gets a gig, for which they put in minimal effort.
Mm, Paiden and Devon don't have a hell of a lot to do in their lives, and I've given up trying to help them. Instead I just let them do what they want, which does oft times lead to some pretty amusing incidents, especially when Devon is involved.
This is the moment when Devon first met Gabriel's girlfriend Kate, and his first point of contact with her was to go up to her and 'Make Fun of Castiel's Parents', which is of course, himself.
Oh, how I laughed...
Kate didn't find it particularly funny, less so when he called her a llama.
But oh, just when I thought Devon couldn't get any weirder, he then decided to try and kiss Kate. I mean, ohmyfuckinggod Devon, have you no shame?
Evidentially not.
The evening just sank into darker and darker levels of weird depravity then as Devon decided to serenade Kate, in his pants as is custom, right in front of Paiden.
And yes, that is Gabriel sitting just metres away from the shambolic situation. I was waiting for the slapping to start, but apparently serenading your son's girlfriend is all that wrong. God, I'm glad we don't have the option to goose Sims anymore...
Elsewhere, Cas was hacking in the kitchen- blissfully unaware of the disturbing family he was born into.
Ariane had come home with him after school and seemed to have no desire to leave, despite it being one in the morning as she having no invitation to sleep over. And so, she creeped.
And creeped.
And creeped.
After hours of faithful stalking I think Ariane had herself earned a kiss.
And despite her compliance with some of the best grooming ever seen in a legacy, Kate had earned herself something shinier.
Now as far as I know this shouldn't be possible, but when something weird happens in my game I can only assume it's the result of me not reading the small print on one of the many mods I've installed. Nevermind eh?
Gabriel had rolled the wish to propose to Kate, god knows why, so I let him have it.
Of course I didn't think the trampish girl would actually say yes.
Shit balls.
After the engagement I tried to do my best impression of a concerned overlord as I endeavoured to keep Devon and his filthy paws away from Kate. It wasn't too difficult though, as Devon had moved on to the decidedly sub-standard butler as his new modus operandi.
Essentially though the only reason we even have service Sims in the Heart household at present is to provide Devon with a constant supply of meatsuits to nom on, or come on to.
Hmm, I think I've discovered the reason why Bleh! Bleh! never get any gigs. They're custom to showing up in the altogether and enjoying their instruments far too much. Enough said.
Moving on now to something altogether more wholesome- the birthdays of Castiel and Gabriel.
Cas was the first to change, with lovely red sparkles marking his transformation into a full vampire.
And Gabriel followed not long after.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Following their transition Castiel and Gabriel had some new digs waiting for them as I had transformed the dank basement into, well, two dank bedrooms for the boys.
In the morning both men set out to their brand new jobs- Cas as an investigator...
...and Gabriel as a businessman.
After returning home from work at night Castiel would continue to hack.
Whilst Gabriel would roll on top of Kate for a bit.
But all this tumbling action did not go unnoticed by Devon, who decided to have a little cry about it.
Awww, the poor little-- wait what am I saying? Devon, this is your fault!
Stop sobbing you... you... Oh Devon, I can't stay mad at you.
Whilst Devon was having a mini-breakdown Castiel, apparently sensing the tense nature of the situation, decided to come over and blurt some madness out at Gabriel, which was apparently quite frightening for him.
There's a time and a place for everything sweetie.
Oh dear god, speaking of.
Mm, don't mess with Devon- he'll grind your bones to make his cheese toastie.
Following the embarrassing incidents of earlier that day, Kate was suddenly none too enthused at the prospect of hooking up with Gabriel.
Meanwhile, Ariane was terrified at the prospect of hooking up with Cas. I think it was the initial shock of him answering the door in his pants that did it- the girl was too overcome with the realisation that she was about to get everything she ever wanted, and her brain exploded a bit.
But she soon got over it.
After a little bit of bump and grind (please shoot me if I ever say that again) Castiel looked to Ariane for another type of satisfaction.
And Gabriel looked to Kate for the same.
But Gabriel's a greedy boy so in the morning he had a go on the butler too, and it was at this moment that something occurred to me. Where are the twins' vampire fangs? Is this supposed to happen? They look a bit weird without the proper gnashers don't you think?
See, Devon looks much more threatening as he prepares to sink his teeth into the maid. I'm pretty sure she makes a tastier meal than the butler as well...
I think I love our current maid. Her name is Piper Amiee-Lee Lawson, and she's awesome except for the fact that I'm pretty sure she's the fucking Hamburglar in disguise. She's constantly in the fridge woffing down delicious meaty treats when she's supposed to be working.
Meanwhile, someone who's actually pretty decent at doing their job is Castiel. He seems to love working as an investigator, and thoroughly enjoys rummaging through garbage cans.
And snooping for clues with his magnifying glass.
And vomming.
And hiding in the bushes.
And scaring the FuryRed by poking her with two fingers.
And bitch-fighting.
And hiding in the bushes (again).
Yep, life as an investigator is lots of funs alright, but it's not without its downside...
As a vampy vamp, Cas obviously has a bit of a hard time running about in the sun all day, so much so that he tends to get a bit sunburnt and faint a lot. After he exhausted his sun pass for the day and didn't immediately die though I figured things would be okay. But they weren't.
What I failed to realise is that, with the 'Too Much Sun' moodlet in the bank, Castiel's needs would decay rapidly, to the point when he began to feel a bit peckish all of a sudden.
Okay, maybe 'a bit peckish' was an understatement...
Aw shit bruv!
Mm, I know right.
And now I shall leave you with a picture of Cas stuck in his current predicament, because he makes a pretty ghost and I've run out of pages. And I'm mean like that. Ta-rah!
You can find the storyboard version here if you'd like to rec.
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